I’ve decided to start this post as if we are already deep in conversation. By this point you already know the way I feel about wearing real pants…I’m not a huge fan. Moving on.
The old phrase “home is where the heart is” doesn’t really do it for me. The way I see it, my heart is scattered all over the place because every person I care about has a piece of it. My concept of home has never been solid. Many places over the years have been called “home” but you know that feeling people get when they talk about home? When you can tell they have found a place where they feel anchored? Yeah, I’ve never had that. I have yet to find a place where I think to myself “Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life here.” For a long time I thought that this was somehow wrong. I should be able to live in a place and have that feeling of being settled.
THEN, I finally realized that there’s nothing wrong with this. This doesn’t (and shouldn’t make or break my feeling of whole-ness. After spending a short time last year not having a place to live and relying on the kindnesses of others it hit me that instead of stressing out over why I haven’t felt completely at home in the towns and cities I have lived in, I need to change my mindset and understand that “home” doesn’t have to be a forever place. “Home” doesn’t even necessarily have to be tied to a place. Maybe this feeling of not feeling settled in one place is because my heart hasn’t found its place yet. Maybe it’s because my heart is with so many people in so many places. Whatever it is, it doesn’t really matter. Home is where you are completely you. Home is where you can dance around unabashedly to Justin Bieber. Home is with the people who completely accept you for you. Home is where the pants aren’t.
Be well Darlings, and Namaste.