Hello and welcome to the first edition of Freestyle Friday, a weekly post consisting of whatever I am thinking/wondering/freaking out about in that particular week…and no, I will not be rapping for you. I know, I know, you’re all devastated. As per my usual style, it will probably be a bunch of rambling, but I also have a soft spot for rambling. This is happening in an effort to push myself to write something, anything, every week and to supplement other weekly (hopefully), more focused (hopefully), posts.
BIG REVEAL: I’m applying for grad school. In fact, I’m applying for the Masters Program in Children’s Literature in a few schools that are pretty far away from good ‘ol Portland, Oregon. I decided last minute (as in, June, during my sister’s graduation ceremony) that I was going to search out programs in Children’s Literature and apply. Fun fact–I love children’s books and have quite the collection starting. All was well and good and then it hit me that the decision was made in June and it is now August and I haven’t accomplished much except a lot of complaining about how much I haven’t accomplished. (We’ve all been there.) I’ve given a lot of excuses such as “I”m too busy with the move,” “I’m sick,” (I happened to get strep the same week I was moving…that was fun) “It’s too hot,” “I’m tired,” or my personal favorite, “I have plenty of time.” Those are some dangerous thought processes right there, and while all of them were true at some point, all were simply excuses for the real reason–a whole lotta self-doubt.
As it is for many, self-doubt is my greatest downfall. There’s the doubt of whether I will get everything done in time, the doubt of whether it will be any good when it is done, doubt of whether I will get accepted…and the list goes on. Now that I’ve acknowledged all of this, this week I’m working on being patient with myself. When Doubt sneaks her toxic tendrils into my brain I tell her “No thanks, I don’t need your input.” Yes, I actually tell myself that and yes, like all perfectly sane people, I talk to myself a lot.
As for the grad school personal statement? It’s mostly done (the rough draft), and it’s clear that I am greatly overthinking the entire thing. If I had a nickel for every time I overthought something….you know where I’m going with this. I gave myself a brain break from it yesterday and today with the hopes that tomorrow I can look on it with fresh eyes and not find it so stupid. 🙃
If you have different tactics for dealing with self-doubt, comment below. If you have any advice about grad school, comment below. I would love to hear from you. For now, I will leave you all to your Friday night with this perfect Jimmy Fallon/Paul McCartney moment because we all deserve a little silliness.