I’m sitting here, staring out my window in front of me at the blue sky and treetops, listening to the sound of my fan and the construction outside and thinking to myself, “What do I want to write about this week?”
There’s no shortage of things on my mind, (current events, for instance) but what I’ve just decided to dedicate this week’s “Freestyle Friday” to is my *possible* foray back into the world of dating. Between some heartbreak and what seemed like endless bad or “just okay” dates (but in reality there weren’t that many), this is an area of my life that I’ve avoided like the plague. I’ve also spent a good portion of this past year really diving into me and what makes me do the things I do (positive or negative) to really hone in on what I need and want versus the opposites. For a while I felt content in my Singleton status and with taking a break from the dating world and the constant swiping and small talk and starting over with each new person and witty (and witless) banter that all inevitable led to nowhere.
Lately, however, I’ve been considering a change. It’s not solely driven by a want for companionship, it’s also driven by a worry that I’m becoming too complacent and too comfortable being solo. I’m not saying living the solo life is a bad thing and my independence is definitely very important to me…but I know me. I tend to put myself in the box that I am comfortable in and hide behind excuses like “I am too f****** busy”–which, in all honestly, I am–when the bigger reasons are that I am exhausted and nervous and don’t have much faith in the dating game. The worry persists even beyond that as well because I’m worried I’m becoming so used to being alone that I won’t even know what to do should a new someone happen to enter my life.
I’m always telling other people that they should be open to change and to simply try…looks like I need to be taking my own advice, yeah? 🙃 My family and friends, beacons of wisdom that they are, have told me time and time again that I’m not going to meet people if I’m sitting on my butt thinking about it.
I hope you are all used to my ramblings by now, but I guess the point I’m trying to make is that there is always going to be an excuse and there are always going to be past hurts. As I mentioned before, I value my independence and immediately shy away from those who negatively challenge it. When I want to make time, I will make time…but now I wonder if I should make time whether I want to or not? I guess we’ll see. If anything else, it’s practice and a good way to observe people, which I’ve always enjoyed doing. Another interesting social experiment could be in my future! I’ll keep you posted. For now, have a lovely Friday and to all you eclipse chasers–stay safe!!